CF

So it's about time I talk about CF in my blog. After all it's the biggest distraction in my life. I have Cystic Fibrosis, and although I hate it, I try to have a positive outlook about it. Before, I never thought of it as being a huge part of my life, it was just something I had, something that made me different. But as I get older I start to see the differences between my life and others because I have it. Not only the typical differences like I take more medicine, or I do more treatments. Other differences too, like stressing about health insurance and how I am going to take care of myself once I leave my parents. They've done an amazing job at supporting my sister and I through this. Every time I think of my future I feel like there's a huge wall in the way that I have to figure out how to climb over it, a huge wall named CF. I think it's also become more clear to me how much it's affected my life because it seems to be getting worse. I've been doing a lot to hold on to my health as much as possible, or in CF terms, my PFT scores. They've been dwindling down lately, and even though they've increased since my last hospital visit they still aren't as good as I'd like them to be. I go back and forth on whether I actually feel like I'm getting sick again, it's something I try to just avoid thinking about. My last hospital visit was treacherous, I hated every minute of it. I hated every minute after being released and having to deal with a PICC line at home. And although I had so much support from my loved ones, I never want to go through that again, ever. I feel like I've turned a new leaf, and for once, I promise to always put my health before school, before work, before anything, because being sick affects everything in my life. 

Goals.

Lately I've been making a lot of goals for myself personally, financial goals, and relationship goals. I'm working on achieving these goals in order to make my life better. Personally and mentally I need to learn to stop punishing myself for my mistakes and imperfections.Financially, I need to make sure not to waste money on going out to eat, it's just a waste, and I can spend that money on something special. Alaric and I have our own set of relationship goals to strengthen our relationship. We have been doing so well, I never knew love could be this strong. This part of my life is focused on my goals.

Off topic, but Alaric's birthday is coming up and I cannot wait. I can't wait to see his face when he opens his gifts, and I can't wait to just celebrate it with him with the people we love the most. I think I'm more excited than he is. It'll be a good time. :)